POV: Your grandmother pulls a classic move and spills the beans about your baby’s gender, and all the church aunties are suddenly congratulating you while you’re just standing there, frozen, wondering if this is really happening. It’s like that scene from The Fault in Our Stars where Augustus Waters realizes his cancer has returned, except instead of cancer it’s your autonomy being stripped away in real time, leaving you hollow and bewildered as everyone smiles obliviously. One second you’re living your life, the next you’re the unwilling main character in someone else’s storyline.
Let me put you onto something… 👀
The Boundary Battles Nobody Talks About
Studies show that 76% of pregnant people experience at least one major boundary violation from family members during pregnancy. Yet we’re all out here acting like it’s just normal family drama? 🥲
✨ WHEN “EXCITED” IS ACTUALLY JUST ENTITLED ✨
That moment when someone labels their straight-up disrespect as “excitement” is peak emotional manipulation. Your grandmother isn’t just sharing news—she’s hijacking your emotional bytes.
What’s really happening here is a clash of emotional frames. Your frame centers around autonomy and healing after loss. Hers centers around social currency and attention. These frames are creating completely different realities you’re both living in.
Red flags that someone’s “excitement” is actually entitlement:
- They get visibly upset when you set a simple boundary 🚩
- They frame YOUR pregnancy as THEIR experience 🚩
- When called out, they make themselves the victim 🚩
- They use phrases like “but I’m just so happy” to justify behavior 🚩
- Your needs are treated as negotiable while theirs are non-negotiable 🚩
THE TRUTH ABOUT GENERATIONAL “BUT THAT’S JUST HOW THEY ARE” BS
The defensive script your father is running (“this baby is all she has”) is literally t r a s h. It’s a perfect example of how emotional scripts get passed down until someone has the courage to break them.
Reminder: Other people’s lack of boundaries doesn’t constitute an emergency on your part. 💀
The “that’s just how they are” excuse is PEAK enabling behavior and it’s giving “this is fine” dog in burning house meme energy.
Signs you’re healing, not overreacting:
- You recognize the difference between a boundary and a punishment
- You feel guilty but do what’s right for you anyway
- You’re not trying to control their behavior, just your exposure to it
The emotional labor you’re doing—managing your pregnancy, your trauma from past losses, AND your grandmother’s feelings—is like trying to do that TikTok dance where you have to hit every beat perfectly while someone keeps changing the song. Literally impossible.
The truth is: Your needs for autonomy and control after experiencing multiple losses isn’t just valid—it’s essential to your emotional safety. Your grandmother isn’t struggling with excitement; she’s struggling with her need to matter in a way that violates your very reasonable boundaries.
Friendly reminder: You don’t have to set yourself on fire to keep others warm, especially when you’re literally growing a whole human being. ✨
– Melanie Doss
Anyone telling you to “just let it go” hasn’t had their emotional bytes hijacked during a vulnerable time. But that’s just my professional opinion…no cap.
https://naavasmolash.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/02/case-4-gender-reveal-parties.docx.pdf
http://edl.emi.gov.et/jspui/bitstream/123456789/1377/1/exploring-social-psychology_compress.pdf
https://intellectdiscover.com/content/journals/10.1386/eme_00083_1